Can contradiction be a defining quality?

I intended to start this post off with the statement "woe is me" and then launch into an exploration of my ability to sabotage my own best efforts. But that seemed a little too self-serving, even for a blog. Instead I thought I might just describe where I've been and what gain could still be realized.

Going into the off-season I had grand plans for the subsequent 49 weeks. There would an excellent aerobic base laid down. Intervals would start in February and I would be ready to dominate the early season. That plan has been scrapped.

Today I am 255 pounds. I haven't been on the bike in two weeks. I have no reason to expect a sudden dedication to the upcoming racing season, and yet I woke up this morning thinking about racing. I write this down without knowing what will happen; without the hindsight I will have in October 2009. All I have is the threat of the shame of failing. The failure would be one that I had near-complete control over.

Finally, I take some solace in knowing that I didn't start serious training last year until late April. If I can get three months jump on what I did last year...well, that can only help me, right?